Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The Commandments...

So I'm married to a headache now ( Six out of every ten married couples could sue me for plagiarism over that, which again is ironic, because, well, there are six in every ten of them! ) Nobody got that joke within a joke within a joke, did they? Nevermind. This post isn't about troubled marriages, it's about me having a headache, getting bored and making everyone's life a living hell.

Lets begin with a little story.

A long, long time ago, there was a man named Moses, who was chosen by God to be his local postman kinda chap. Deliver his messages and all that. Awesome chap that. Took a bunch of people over to Jerusalem, by parting the Red Sea and all. Ofcourse, in those days, Israel had no nuclear weapons so people had more confidence and courage to pull off stuff like that, but I'm diverting here. Well, one day, God called his favourite scribe over to a mountain top. They sat down for some drinks and snacks, and God told Moses, and I quote, "Bro, I'm gonna rock your world. Like literally. This is how it's going to happen. You pick up some rocks and stuff, make a tablet and while I dictate, jot down a couple of rules on them, that you folks down here would have to follow. Savvy?"

Moses was savvy. So he got down to business. Made a few rock tablets, and chipped away furiously as God spoke his magical words. The rules of good living, the rules to attain perfect harmony and world peace, the rules, that would make the human race LEGENDARY!

Now, you may have trouble believing me on this, because, they may have told you a slightly different version of this story. So to prove that this indeed is true, instead of just telling you the rules and asking you to believe me, that those indeed are God's words, I'll just share this picture that Moses uploaded on his twitter handle when he was done. Absolutely genuine folks.

Yes. Believe me now. Yes, yes, I'm sure you're wondering, ' Just 2? '

Sadly, that is just as far as that got. After completing the second, absolutely true rule, God said, " Dude! Have you seen the time? I'm getting late for the U2 concert, and Bono promised to play " In God's country " for me. Later then, I'll text you the rest, till then, follow these rigourously and all shall be well. Ciao! "

That is the true, absolutely genuine story about Moses and the Commandments.

Moral of the story: I am a self centred, egoistic, narcissistic, ungrateful, rude idiot, who expects the world around to exist, just to please me and indulge in my many whims. I disregard all concerns of others that I deem inconvenient, take people for granted, and then pile misery upon them when things don't go as per my grand scheme of self amusement. That is just on normal days.

Nowadays, with my distinct lack of energy to get down to anything worthwhile, and just lounge around getting bored day and night, not to mention this incessant splitting headache that I have, all those admirable qualities of mine have been magnified ten fold. Charming aren't I?

Apologies all around are in due order, but I'll let this post remain as a satirical reminder of the hell that I impose, and also acting as a fair introduction of self, for the new readers, if any.

I sign off, with a belief, that a new day shall bring a new hope. The only real commandments of life, God's path, if you please, are etched in simple words upon every soul. We just have to stop and look. Still, for those with rock fetishes, this should sum it up for you.

Every day I wish. And to everyone out there, suffering my insufferable being, you are indeed awesome. And not just me, my good friend Abe Lincoln also thinks so. Why do you not believe me? Here.

True Story!

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