Ah!!bugger...

Dear Spaceman Spiff, It’s been a while. I hope this finds you happy and well. It seems an age and a reality afar, when we used to go on our intergalactic adventures together. I miss that. The passage of time since has been trying, the monsters of reality have truly taken flesh. I wish I could’ve borrowed your Death Ray Blaster to zap ‘em away, but these battles have made me weary. Try as I might, I can no longer make that spaceship fly anymore. One hard landing too many, eh buddy? I’ve always been straight with you, ‘cause you get me. I’m stuck, my friend. On an alien planet, where I don’t belong, without recourse, without help. I’ve tried to mingle with them, gather intelligence on their species, but it’s difficult. They’re at war within, while their robotic shells tread the same invisible paths, each believing their path to be unique, yet competing against the others, all the while bending to some ancient pre-set norms. Their internal strife, and the strive to reach their abstract, u...

I'm drawn to rebels. I spent the evening on a thoroughly enjoyable research on the Naxalite movement, and the characters surrounding it. Without going into the good and bad, right and wrong of it, it is a mystery, what drives these men and women into such extreme paths. What drives them, enables them, with the courage and conviction to trust their beliefs and ideals enough to take on the might of an entire nation. Then there's us, hesitant on disagreements with our bosses at work for fear of retribution. Hesitant to live our lives on our own terms, for fear of upsetting the apple cart, which drives our life in its slow, plodding, monotonous lanes. Why are some of us so extremely staunch in their beliefs, enough to stake their lives on it, and most others so unwilling to take chances, when the stakes are much lower. It's all you see, to do with convictions, and the courage to act upon them. This post, out of the blue, is not a call to break the status quo, as nothing will, a...

As darkness settled on the times gone by, The withering flame flickered, “To the glorious memories”, D thundered, “And to those to come”, K murmered. The night descended as the flame went out, In a thoughtful wisp of smoke, Trailing away, into uncomfortable silences, Spirits sinking as the bubble broke.

The days are blank, cold and numb, Mind growing in restless pain, Blow my mind, bring me a gun, I feel so shallow, embarrassed and in shame. It’s not you, it’s me, We could do this charade, till insanity. My wakeful nights, while away, Thinking of all the pain coming your way. I’m not a bad person, or am I now, I’m not really sure somehow. But this is not how I used to be, This hand of fate has taken over me, Controlling away, I’m just left with my thoughts, Helpless, abandoned, I’m stuck in a spot. A deep dark abyss, wallowing in shame, With a monster inside who shares my name. Get up, fight, get out of my head, But my body is limp, and my voice is dead. So blow my mind, bring me a gun, The days are blank, cold and just no fun.

Walls. Walls. Walls. Walls.

I wish the world was a smaller place, The poles, not so distant, Boundaries, undefined. I wish the world was a smaller place, The peaks, not so unassailable, Depths, less frightful. I wish the world was a smaller place, The places, not so asunder, Distances, surmountable. I wish the world was a smaller place, The people, not so lost, Desires, realizable. I wish the world was a smaller place, for its magnitude frightens me now. Its fickle nature, haunts me. Far removed from comfort, into the concrete wilderness that we roam, stuck in a cycle of everyday grind, instilled with flickering hope and ever dwindling courage to carry on, further and further, till there is nothing left to fight for, into the darkness, where not a morsel of courage remains, but only the dying embers of the long forgotten hope, that one day, it will all be worth it. Was it worth it, is it ever worth it? Our lives, etched with sacrifice, for a glorious higher purpose, that we never realize. Mayb...

I had a corner seat to the left, three rows from the back. It was the second day of classroom training in Mysore and we were in the midst of the irritating L&D(Learning and Development) sessions. Basically, those were three days of English and communication classes that I thoroughly hated because they involved communication and people skills, both of which I lack and have no interest in acquiring. We were given a task, speak to five random people in the classroom, introducing yourself and start a conversation with them. So here I was, making no effort whatsoever to introduce myself to random strangers, when the guy who sat in the last row, directly behind me, came over. " Hi, Dhruva! Tui bangali?" That is how I first met Dhruva. We didn't have the longest conversation at that point, but I distinctly remember, the very next time we spoke, later in the evening, his first question was, "Baba fukish to?" I was like, "What the hell is 'Baba'!...

It's been a while. Hi! I've almost forgotten how it feels to write. I have trouble enough putting thoughts into words as it is, so I reckoned a few bottles of beer could put my melancholy into something more productive. Here goes. It has been a dark year which shows no promise of relenting. I could speak of my troubles, but I figured, how uncool is that. So what then? Well, it hasn't been all doom and gloom fortunately. Amidst the mass of overbearing clouds and claps of thunder, shines bright a silver lining. A sliver of joy, bright enough to help uphold a facade of sanity, even normalcy perhaps as I tread on mundane, muddy waters far removed from the comforts of home. Well, that completes the abstract introduction, now onto the story then. Sagnik was harping on about a trip for a while now, although I had my reservations. You see, it wasn't the usual, 'Let's all go get drunk at Goa over the weekend' kind of plan, which is very doable under any ...

If you're reading this, then congratulations are in order, because we all made it through another year. A feather in our cap/hat/toupee wherever you'd like it. Do I reminisce on the year gone by, or do I put forth my set of new year resolutions for the year to come ( I know, I know, those never work, but one can always hope). Maybe wander off in a whole new trajectory of abstractness? That could be fun. So here goes, If you're ever passing by the park next to the 17th and B, look up the tall maple tree. High up in the branches, you will find a story of hope. Sitting atop the branches, cradled in her nest, is little Boo. A tiny beak, a sleek coat of blue feathers with a dash of purple, and the brightest little eyes you'll ever see. Every morning, Boo awakes to the sound of music. The songs of the birds, soaring high above in the sky, gliding with the wind, singing out in joy as the morning sun erupts over the horizon. Boo gazes up through the gap in the maple lea...

Hey, I promise to keep this one sober.  There is a heaviness in the air and it is getting to me badly. Life is in a state of perpetual hangovers. Take today for example, I wake up, knowing I've grossly overslept, body aching, my head heavy, the solitary leg that managed to escape the shackles of the blanket in the dead of the night, did not get far before succumbing to the cold, and oh, the lethargy, in Bengali we have a wonderful word to describe that feeling very aptly, "Lyadh" (the phonetic spelling is debatable). But the lyadh that is taking over my life, is very irksome. There was a time, when I actually enjoyed doing absolutely nothing. Now ironically, I've spent so much of my time doing nothing, that I'm now pretty fed up of doing nothing, but my ineptitude at doing anything, leads to the hopeless feeling of being stuck to doing nothing. Did that make sense? I hope it did, I did say I'd keep this sober. So it has been six months since I ...

The soft gurgle of the brook, the water lapping up against the rocks, pristine, clear. I see the sky in it, as it is above me, blue, serene and endless. The swirl of smoke rises into the dreary darkness, my fingers trace patterns in them as I lay here. The night envelops all around me, the walls, imposing in their might, holding me, crushing me. The soft cool breeze flows like the waves along the green grass where I sit, I feel it coming to me, cradling me in a soft embrace before passing me by, it dances before my eyes, in little spiral gusts, lifting me. The road ahead is bleak, I cannot see, only the whispers echo through them, calling me out. There are monsters, monsters who reside in the dark labyrinth of my mind, they talk to me, the lead me on into the abyss, they whisper in my ear, drag me, hold me, and they'll never let me go

Identity crisis level : This is probably what I sound like in technical interviews.

Sair kar duniya ki gafil,  Zindagani phir kahan  Zindagani gar rahi to  Naujawani phir kahan.  - Ismail Merthi

It's in the worst phases when you realize that life is too short for tentative half measures. You'll end up regretting both ways. If things go well, you wonder how much better they could have gone had you been more decisive, conversely if things go bad, you wish you had the courage to put your foot down in the first place. Screw all that. For once in my life, I'm going to go all in and see where that lands me up at. You see those motivational stickers all through your life, "Make every moment count", "Live the moment" and you know they're right but you just shrug it off with a "Nah, maybe later, when I'm more stable." I wonder if anyone is ever stable. All the wealth in the world, private jets, islands and beautiful women later, you'll still be wishing for the stars. The key is to feel alive more than anything. We're so obsessed with securing our futures and that of our future generation that we miss out on those moments ...

I am now officially very depressed. Well played guys, well played.

I think it was the morning of New Year's day or thereabouts when I started heading back from Mainak, homewards. The Kolkata Marathon was scheduled in a few days time, and given the new found enthusiasm that a new year brings, I was suddenly taken over by this incessant urge to give it a shot. However, rationality prevailed in the end (shocking, eh?) and I decided that I was woefully short on preparation. "Next year, for sure." I resolved, and decided to set things in motion by walking the entire distance from Ballygunje Phari to my home in Garia. Stepping out in the pleasant sunlight of that winter morning, it didn't seem too much of a task really. I love walking for one, and I've walked longer distances without breaking into too much of a sweat. That one time when a couple of school friend's were staying over at Anirban's place for the night. Sagnik made us download and watch 'Veer'. It was immense fun, given how utterly awful the movie was. The...

Two sunrises in a row now. High fives all around. I am becoming quite the morning person these days. Winter mornings are fun admittedly. The chilly morning air, the cold mists and the shadows right before sunrise, giving way ever so gradually with the first gleam of the morning sun spreading light and warmth all over. A pleasant cure for weary eyes, and wearier souls. If you're wondering about my sleep cycle then it's best to warn you that many a renowned scientist have found dark corners in the heart of asylums after fretting over it. For now, I make do fine with my prolonged sleeplessness by making it up with prolonged sleepiness. I dunno what the long term consequences are but it seems to work for now. You put all your faith in the medical system, trusting that by the time your bad habits come back to bite you in the ass, medical science would have progressed enough to deal with it. Now, moving onto more important aspects than sunrises and my sleep patterns. The New Year...